It's true. Starvation is the best way to punish oneself. I don't know how long I will last, but the fact that none of my family gives a crap about me, provides a great enough motvation to continue this rpactice. yes, my head is swimming and I feel sick. My belly rumbles and I have distinctly strange ideas of suicide running through my mind, but it can be all worth it. I now know that my family is incapable of pity. They can only yell and accuse me but no pity. there is no love in their hearts for me. i am but an empty space that carries their name. I'm a stupid dog that have to take care of, but I'm not an equal. No, i'm not even wortyh of their pity. I'm worth nothing. I wonder if they even wanted me in the first place. what a bother my life had been to them. an extra mouth that had to be fed during the 90's and now an emotional mess they're too old to deal with. so what now? i know starvation is little of an answer and my will is so weak. I can't say yell back. I'm thrown into silence and I hold back the hot tears, but they keep on coming. I can't see straight but they don't care. they don't want to deal with this. It's more fun to watch Federer play Davidenko than deal with me. I have no reason to exists except to consume and be a burden to the eco-system.