I'm not happy... again. It's windy outside and scorching. I'm filled with anticipation of tsicada arrival, a swarm of biblical proportions. Every one keeps talking about it, hiding under petty conversations what they truly need to say. I do the same. The year is over and I lost my last opportunity to reach out for the dream. I lose time. All those pretty butterflies that I admire each day, only brush against my fingertips but never are mine. I feel like a loser. I want to blame the weather or stress on my mood, but I can't. it's just me. I am responcible for the depression I'm feeling right now. And I can't, like my mother, pick up the shards of dreams and move on. A dreamer cannot abandon his dreams. I cannot abandon my dream and so i wither away under the scorching sun of my May...and I'm waiting for the tsicadas like I'm waiting for life to begin.