I'm a little tired and a little dishearted. All of these choices are polluting my brain with doubts. My life, my future, depends on this very choice. Which college should I go to? Which people should I meet and how should I talk to them? It reminds me of a game of chess, but alas, I was never good at it. I suppose that any missteps on my part would eventually even out, though I can't be sure anything could be done if I make the wrong turn. It's these self doubts that have been pestering me this past week. No matter what I do, there is an alternative waiting to remind me of its existence. I can't say that I'm lost, just not sure which road is the right road. The end destination is the same at any rate, but it's the way that counts.



Here's an unfinished poem.



Self-propelling images of fault

Determination that my genetic code

Does not meet the standards of the top

That I can never imitate the ‘Pop’

Is causing my brain to melt down

And I can’t stop, when I’m bound

To look into the faces on the screen

And through my frustration scream

That no one looks like that without getting a nose job!



Garsh!



Now then, let me turn off the tube

Return to my humble old book

And in my gloomy self condemnation

Seek the promised explanation.

Now then, let me simply remark

Even though my judgment is dark

That those blue eyed smiling monstrosities

Packed at by the world as curiosities

Could be nothing but deformation of morality

And as I see it in reality

They are nothing but dolls with a key in a hole.



They are programmed to ruin the rest of world

As they’re trying to spread their horrible word

That the clothes on your back are the thought in your head

Even though all the brain cells are happily dead.

You must day after day, through the sun and the rain

Wear the clothes that make hookers look in disdain.

Shade your hair with exotics of yellow and blond

(Yes I know that yellow may not be right,

but lucky for me, I have grown to be blunt )

Now then, turn from the good and the righteous and selfless

When you’re looking for stores and the purses at half sales